Remember When
by theghoulthatwrites
Summary: Hanji is pregnant, but does Levi want kids at all? Rated M for abortion, eventual c-section, and Levi's mouth of course.


Okay sooooo, this is the very first fanfic I have ever written. Warning: abortion (though not specifically stated, you just know). Be gentle and enjoy!

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><p>"Hey Levi, do you think you'll want kids after all this is over?"<p>

"What the fuck kind of question is that, Hanji? There are fucking titans waiting to kill us and you ask such an asinine question?" Levi asked, angrily. 'Is she really asking me that kind of fucking question right now'? he thought. He glared at the titan enthusiast/scientist with eyes that look like everybody around him is trash. He had half a mind to throw her off the wall they were standing on for asking such a stupid question.

Hanji pushed her goggles up over her forehead with a contemplative expression. "Just answer the question, shorty. It's not that hard; yes or no?"

"Tch, fine. No I don't want to take care of fucking brats when all this is over. They're just a waste of time. Why would I want to clean up after some fucking babies when I can barely clean up after all of you? There, I answered your question. Are you happy now, Shitty Glasses?"

"Who knows what happiness even is…" Hanji turned around and walked away at a relatively normal pace, her mind made up. Even though they've had a romantic relationship for a while and each knew they cared for the other, there was no way Levi would accept having a child.

Once alone in her office, Hanji sighed and put a hand on her stomach. Staring into space and rubbing her stomach lightly, she whispered, "I'm sorry, little one. Now is not the time to bring you into the world..."

Levi hadn't seen or heard from Hanji since that day. Three weeks later, he found out that she had been in recuperating in the infirmary, with the excuse of being injured during an experiment with her beloved titans. Of course she hurt herself playing with her fucking titans, he thought, that's just like that fucking Shitty Glasses. When he finally saw her, stumbling slightly out of her room, he said, "I hope you fucking learned your lesson this time. You're going to die inside the walls by one of your stupid pets!"

Instead of defending her precious titans, Hanji made a vague noise of acknowledgement and continued down the hall towards the infirmary. 'Why is she still going to the infirmary? I thought she was released a couple days ago', he wondered. Uncharacteristically, Levi looked into her room, Hanji having left the door open in her stupor, and felt his face lose all emotion except for rage. Her night clothes were piled in one corner and the bed unmade. Ignoring the dirty clothes, Levi's gaze was glued to the medium-size brown spot in the middle of her bed.

Thinking she just spilled her coffee while reading, he stood over the bed and touched the dried brown spot. 'This isn't coffee', he thought. 'This is blood.' Swearing, he turned towards the dirty clothes and wasn't surprised to see another blood stain soaked into the white nightgown. What did surprise him was where the stains were located. If Hanji was wearing the nightgown, the stain would have been in the vicinity of her privates. Likewise, if she had been laying in her bed, her butt would have sat in the blood-stained area.

"She's probably just on her period," he said, taking the clothes and sheets with him to wash.

Hanji stumbled into the infirmary, startling the doctor. She grabbed a bucket and sat down on one of the cots, puking into the bucket.

"Doc, it's been three weeks, why am I still feeling this shitty?" she asked, once she finished throwing up.

"Well… Every woman's body handles it differently. Though, with the amount of blood you've lost before, you should have recovered faster than normal," he said. "It might be psychological. You went through a traumatic experience, different from titans, and it could have an effect on your body."

"... Are you suggesting that I don't want to get better?" she stared at the doctor in disbelief.

"Not necessarily. You might be feeling extreme sorrow for what you did, thus prohibiting your body from healing as fast as it should."

"Hmm … You might be right. But! It had to be done and I will get over it soon. I can't be depressed when we're in the middle of a war." With that, Hanji left the infirmary and headed towards the dining hall.

-x-

Levi found her sitting alone at a table, picking at her roll. Instead of looking up and starting a long story about her experiments, she gave him a small smile and looked back to her breakfast. 'She's not even trying to act herself' he thought, angrily.

"Oi, Shitty Glasses, come with me," he commanded.

With a sigh, Hanji slowly got up from her seat, as if trying to maintain balance. She followed him out of the dining hall, away from all the prying eyes and ears of the soldiers, and into his office. Once inside, Levi closed the door and told her to sit down.

"What is it, Corporal?" she asked, sighing again and sitting down carefully.

That irritated him even more. Hanji never calls him by rank unless she's pissed or just not being her normal self. Gathering his emotions he asked:

"Why didn't you tell me, Hanji?"

"Tell you what?" she questioned, her eyes widening slightly in concealed surprise.

"You know what I'm fucking talking about, stop lying!" He yelled

"You forced the doctor to tell you?" He nodded. Sighing again, she looked directly into his face for the first time in four weeks and said:

"What was I supposed to say, Levi? 'Hey, I know we're in the middle of a war and everything, but I'm pregnant with your child.'? Your reaction would have been even worse that it was when I asked you that question!"

"I had a right to know," he hissed, "I was the second party to it happening and it was my fucking child."

"You said you didn't ever want children, and it's not like I would have been able to give birth to and raise a child when the world is crawling with titans alone."

"Yes, but it-" he was cut off as Hanji stood and looked at him with a sad, but angry face.

"I did what had to be done, Corporal. That's all you need to be concerned about," she told him, voice laced with anger. With that, she calmly left the room, closing the door quietly behind her.

Listening to her footsteps fade down the hall, Levi stared at the chair she had sat in and muttered to himself:

"Shit.. I fucked up."

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><p>THREE YEARS LATER:<p>

Levi tore through the hallway like titans were chasing him, carrying his wife. Kicking the door to the infirmary open, he carried his wife to one of the private area, a cot surrounded by curtains, and gently laid her down. Turning to the very surprised and scared doctor, he shouted,

"What are you waiting for?! Can't you see she's in pain, IN LABOR?"

"R-right!" The doctor shook off his surprise and quickly went to examine Hanji and prepare. Her water had just broken maybe 10 minutes ago and it looked like this was going to be a long birthing.

"Whenever you have a contraction, just breathe deeply, don't tighten up. You're in the early labor stage, so you're going to be in labor for a while, so if you get too uncomfortable laying down, you can get up and slowly walk around. That usually helps the process along and you might be able to deal with the pain better," the doctor told her.

"Doc, I spent the majority of my life experimenting and fighting titans, I think I can handle contractions." She gasped as she felt her first contraction and said, "Well, maybe this is a different type of pain than a titan biting into your flesh. This hurts like hell."

She spent the first hour in labor lying in the bed, breathing deeply through the pain. Feeling uncomfortable, she turned to Levi and asked him to help her walk around some.

"Are you sure, Shitty Glasses? It might be safer to stay in the bed," he said, reluctant.

Looking straight into his eyes with a glare worse than death itself, she said sweetly,

"Levi, I am about to give birth to your child. Do you have to deal with this pain? No, you don't. Does it look like I'm going to take no for an answer? Hell no. Now help me up before I start throwing various medical instruments at your face."

Grumbling to himself, Levi helped her stand up and walked with her around the infirmary, holding her up whenever she ran out of energy. After another hour or so, Hanji returned to laying on the bed. Checking her cervix, the doctor said she was dilated about 6 centimeters, thus entering the active stage of labor.

"You're contractions are going to become more frequent, last longer, and hurt more. Hopefully, you'll finish dilating in a couple hours and then we can begin the birthing stage," he said, smiling.

Hanji nodded as she felt another contraction, more painful than the others, that lasted a full minute. Standing beside the bed, Levi looked between her and the doctor before going slightly pale. The mention of the actual birth sent all sorts of thoughts through his head.

'Am I going to be a good father? Am I even ready to be a father? What if something happens to the baby? What if something happens to Hanji?'

Levi felt a hand touch his face and looked down at Hanji. She smiled at him and touched his cheek gently saying,

"Everything is going to be fine. I didn't survive titans to be done in by giving birth."

Levi sighed and starting wiping sweat off her face and neck, letting her squeeze his hand when contractions hit.

Another hour or so passed before the doctor came in again. After checking her, he mumbled something intelligible to the nurse. As the nurse left the room, he turned to the expecting parents with a grim face.

"What? What's going on? Is my baby okay?!" Hanji practically screamed. 'This is supposed to be the best day of our lives, it can't be ruined now!' she thought.

The doctor sighed and began to explain the situation.

"The baby is fine; the problem is you being able to give birth naturally. The baby is in the right position for vaginal birth, but the years spent battling titans must have done more damage than you thought. At some point you broke your pelvis, correct?" She nodded. "Well, the only explanation is that when healing, it didn't heal 100% correctly. It's only a small difference, one side was shifted slightly and healed that way, so you're able to live life normally. But, because of that shift, the overall size of your pelvis is too small to push the baby through. We're going to have to perform and emergency C-section."

The color drained from both Hanji's and Levi's face. Eyes widening, Levi looked at Hanji, who began to shake uncontrollably and wrapped her arms around her belly. 'She's going to blame herself for this, I can already see it. But shit, this can't be happening! What if something goes wrong and something happens to one of them?!' Levi thought as her gazed at his wife.

Taking a deep breath, Hanji looked back up at the doctor. "Okay. I'm ready. I just want my child; I'll do anything to have that," she said, her voice laden with determination.

Nodding, the doctor ordered the nurses to move Hanji into the 'operation room', which was nothing more than a slightly bigger room with more light. Levi watched the nurses wheel his wife out the door and down the hall to the other room. Before he followed, he had to give the doctor some words of encouragement:

"If anything happens to either my wife or my kid, you will no longer be able to practice medicine, you got that? Don't fuck up."

Although slightly offended, the doctor nodded and walked out of the room, Levi following him. In the operation room, Hanji was lying on her back, staring at the sheet shielding her vision from her stomach. When she heard him sit close to her head, she shifted her gaze to his face and gave him a small smile.

"I spent years fighting and researching titans, but I have never been more terrified than I am right now. Weird, isn't it?" She laughed quietly, covering her face with her hands.

"The only thing that mattered about the titans was death. It's normal to be scared to give life, when you took it away for so long." Moving to sit directly behind her head, Levi took both of her hands from her face and threaded their fingers together.

"Okay, we're ready. The anesthetic we'll give you will allow you to remain conscious, but you won't feel anything aside from changes in pressure," the doctor informed her, white cloth in hand.

Hanji nodded, squeezing Levi's hand as the doctor placed the cloth over her nose and mouth for her to inhale. Watching her eyes lose focus and stare blankly at the ceiling, Levi fought the urge to shake her shoulders and demand she wake up. After all, there had been numerous times where both of them had to watch as their love was on the brink of death. He shook the feeling off quickly, thinking she's about to give birth not die. He remained holding her hands as he watched the doctor roll the cart of necessary instruments to the side of the bed.

"Okay, I'll start now," the doctor informed while nodding at various nurses he would need during the procedure.

Levi clenched his teeth and looked down at Hanji's face as the doctor brought the scalpel down, making the incision. Hanji giggled slightly at the pressure of the doctor working inside her womb. Levi stared at her with a mix of shock and horror.

"What? It tickles a little…" she whispered, closing her eyes and nuzzling her face into his hand.

"You're such a freak, Shitty Glasses." He glanced at the doctor, whose head was bent in deep concentration, and slowly kissed Hanji on the forehead, squeezing her hands.

After forty-five agonizing minutes (for Levi), the doctor lifted the newborn from Hanji's womb, cutting the umbilical cord. Any silence in the room was quickly forgotten as the wailing infant was handed off to a nurse to be cleaned up. Levi, having looked up when he heard the crying, switched gazes between his newborn child, his wife, and the doctor. The corners of his mouth lifting slightly as he released Hanji's hands and turned to the nurse, who handed him his son. Bringing him next to Hanji's head, Levi said:

"Look, four eyes, you have a son now. And he's just as loud as you are."

Hanji smiled at her child, touching one of his small hands softly. She heaved a content sigh as she slipped into unconsciousness, the doctor working on closing the incision. -  
>Hanji opened her eyes slowly, adjusting to the light and the dull pain radiating through her torso. 'Oh right, they had to remove the baby by C-section,' she thought, running her fingertips over the cut lightly.<p>

"You're not supposed to touch it, stupid." Hanji turned her head towards the voice of her husband. "It could get infected, you know," he said in his usual aloof tone.

Hanji smiled brightly. "I know, I promise not to touch it anymore. And so, where is he? It's a boy right? I thought I heard you say I had a son." She looked at Levi expectantly.

"Yes it's a boy, and he is right here." Levi picked up his son from the cradle near the bed and handed him to her.

"Ohhhh, he's beautiful, Levi. The most handsome boy in the entire world, aside from you." Hanji brought her son close to her chest, playing with one of his hands.

The infant had a small tuft of black hair on the top of his tiny head and his father's facial expressions, it seemed. He inherited Hanji's nose and, upon opening his eyes for a second, her chocolate brown eyes. Which, according to Levi, was the best feature about him.

"Hey Levi? Remember when you said you would never want children?" Hanji smiled triumphantly at her mean-looking husband, waving their son's tiny hand at him.

"I guess I wa-" Levi was cut off by the sound of the baby crying loudly. Scowling at the child, but with soft eyes, Levi answered, "Yeah, I remember. I think I might regret having one after all."

Hanji laughed, knowing he was teasing. Kissing her son softly, she whispered,

"Welcome to the world, little one."

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><p>Um so, I'm always confused at how to spell Hanji's name (is it Hange or Hanji? idfk.) so I just use Hanji. Also, at the "THREE YEARS LATER" break, this assumes that titans are eradicated, Levi marries Hanji, etc etc. Feel free to send <em><strong>constructive criticism.<strong>_Get it? _**CONSTRUCTIVE**_. Don't be rude, please.


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